If you’re anything like me (poor, young, and slightly intimidated by anything with a culture of exclusivity), the grocery store is where you will usually buy your wine. Hey, I agree that it is a nice and safe place to go. Unless it is the Killer Kroger on Ponce De Leon…but, I digress.
At the very least, there is no chance in hell or even purgatory that a zealous wine extremist with over-weaning (and bearing) hubris will lurk in the shadows of aisle six. Trust me, he’s way over on the other side of town in that “just splendid” little wine shop with vintages from the upward $30s. Probably with Robert Parker.
But you, little darling, can hide amongst the aisles of California grapes in peace, perhaps even grab that third bottle of Yellow Tail with no shame. I like going to the grocery store, too. I hear you! However, as I mentioned earlier, it is pretty hard to spread your wings to wine god status with that level (or lack) of guide-less-ness. Yes, I made up that word. Deal with it.
Anyway, in theme with post No. 3, I dove into some high-profile research on wine-scavenging so that we could decode this beast like independent grown ass adults who know what they are doing! Maybe you’ll even start wearing a tie to work after this. Maybe. And we don’t even have to hail from Bletchley Park . Below is a compilation of all the best advice I have gathered:
1. Get your bearings. This is war, people. Take a walk-a-bout of sorts. Figure out where the Chardonnay is and hack that mess out of the way. Wait, hold the phone Winebbler. But, everybody loves Chardonnay! Kids, there is just waaaay too much of that crap on the shelves. If you must, do your research first. In a bind, google it on your phone. In a real bind? Ask someone who may possibly look like they remotely know what they are doing. But, don’t, I repeat do not just pick up any random bottle of Chardonnay by your lone-lonesome. You will pay too much for it. Hello! You are poor, remember??
2. Don’t be a baby bitch, either. Leave your comfort zone. I’m talking to you with that California Merlot in your hand. In case you are blind, this place is infested with California wines. Yeah, sure they rock, but if you want to go with cheap and quality try something a bit crazier. Ahem, Wash State. What. Up.
3. Look at the year. Most grocery stores aren’t going to house a vintage that needs to be kept away. (We’ll talk about this, calm down!) The newer the wine at the grocery store, the better it is going to be. Obviously this isn’t always the case, but in the name of clarity–we’ll keep it black and white for now.
4. Release all college nostalgia. Back then, bigger bottle equaled more drunk. I loved Franzia just as much as the next monogrammed broad. But just put it down, guys. You are not going back there because (sorry to be the bearer of bad news) your ass graduated. Let that piss poor excuse of a beverage stay in your hidden Facebook photo albums only.
5. Finally, if all else fails, some grocery stores have these (cringe) point systems. Maybe they are actually right in some instances. Higher number = Higher rating = Higher likelihood of good wine. I’m dying as I write this (obviously), but hey, even the man gets it sometimes.
Hope this helps! Happy winebbling!
Liebster is a German word meaning dearest. And in this case, a dearest blog. The Liebster Award is a nice thought–a pass of love to remind people of the reason why they started their little project in the first place. Thank you Middlemay Farm for the opportunity to push it forward. So, in a rare effort to play by the rules–here goes.
Eleven Facts About Myself:
1. Want to drop anchor in New York more than most would consider normal.
2. Obsessed with pictures/words/art/ideas/music about the sea.
3. Hate animals. They smell and make me ill. Sorry I’m not sorry, PETA.
4. Laundry is for goddesses who have their life together–I am not one of them.
5. Have traveled all over Europe–but never to the west coast of my own country.
6. Used to believe that I could change the world all by myself.
7. Spaghetti gives me the creeps.
8. Gave my television to my neighbors and still have the cable box in my closet.
9. Can never get the words out of my head the way I think they should sound out loud.
10. I don’t believe in matching clothes.
11. Currently reading Catch-22 for the first time. Oops.
1. Who’s your favorite fictional character? Amber, from The Accidental by Ali Smith.
2. Did you like high school? That’s funny.
3. Are you for or against human cloning? I watched Family Matters and liked it in the 1990s. Does that count?
4. Were you ever bitten by a dog? My little brother used to bite me. A lot.
5. Would you travel back or forward in time? Forward. Backwards is impossible–technically speaking.
6. Do you have a guilty pleasure TV show? I don’t have a TV anymore. But, I used to watch a lot of Judge Judy in college.
7. Are you lactose intolerant? Nope. Thank god.
8. If you had to eat a baby or an old person in a starvation situation which would you choose and why? Did Jonathan Swift put you up to this?
Questions for Nominees
- Where did you have your first kiss?
- If you were abducted by aliens how would you decorate your new space house?
- If you had to choose between courage and loyalty, which characteristic would you possess?
- Do you like yogurt?
- What is the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to you?
- What is your go-to bottle of wine?
- What are your thoughts on Tuesdays?
- Would you rather take a bath or a shower?
- What song can you never get out of your head?
- What would you quit your day-job to do if money were not a factor?
- Are roller coasters your idea of fun?
• Post eleven facts about yourself.
• Answer the questions posted by your nominator.
• Pass the award on to eleven new recipients.
• Pose eleven new questions to your recipients.
• Post a copy of the badge on your blog (type “Liebster Award” into Google images; you’ll find plenty to choose from). Notify nominees and include links to the originating blog, as well as the new recipients.